hit 'em back twice, three times as hard

oh darrrlin

electrocutie — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 03:00:59 +0000

If you weren’t so pathetic, you know, I could possibly be jealous of you. I hate to be able to say this, but you have so much potential with the things you have yet you waste it.

My life is super boring. Time please pass me by so I can drive and explore Jacksonville+. I would like to see what is beyond the horizon on those roads I have never traveled and be with who I have never been with before.

Third nine weeks is always the hardest for me at school for some reason, I got a D in AP Human Geography and a B+ in my Computer and Business class, which is weird. Whatever… I’ll bring it up.

I believe I’ve been holding back on thinking things through because ignorance is bliss and I’m guessing its the only way I can be happy, considering how I am at the moment.

I turn 15 in less than 2 weeks!

yep yep

electrocutie — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 00:11:26 +0000

I’m not so sure whats goin on.

I need to make friends!

Also, Saturday picnic @ OP Mall.

part time lover and a full time friend

electrocutie — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 17:15:40 +0000

my myspace blog is going to be synchronized with my wordpress? or no. i do not know. the juno soundtrack is really cute. my trust in you is disappearing. i think you’re confused and i don’t want to be strung along just because you dont know what you want. i’d rather have you string me along and act like you want me than not even acting like you dont care. which you probably dont.

so heres what my random “i love” blog says. the product of free time and semi-optimist thoughts during hard times:

you are my teacher and my friend. i love… your existence. your laugh and sense of humor, sarcasm and absurdities. i love how you feel like home. i love your expressions but not how you express yourself. i love the things i hate about you. i love to try to challenge you even though i feel like i failed in the end. i love knowing there is more to you than everything you can reveal. i love how i can never replace you because your traits are so specific. i love to feel your eyes on me when i look away. i love to give my heart away despite the times its tossed aside. i love to mean something to you. i love when you can guess how i feel. i love the days i look past imperfections. i love being called for. i love human chemistry. i love how some of these statements (definitely not all) apply to more than one of you. i love the way my opinion of you is growing. i love the space between us. i want to see where this is going. i dont want to waste my time. i dont like to explain myself. i want to fight for you but not with you. i want to be there for you when everythings good and when things are difficult. i always will, as long as you show me that you would do the same. i wont let you change me if your role in my life is this small and “this” just is. im designed to always feel slightly dissatisfied and afraid. i still feel hope, no matter what happens. i love remembering the things that i love about you, and i hope thats enough for you to figure out how i feel about you. i want you to know these things when im too mad to show it and when were not together. i hate when you say what you dont mean. maybe you actually do mean it, but i’d like to think that you don’t because i care for you so much. i hate when you do things that you know would upset me. i hate when theres something unresolved between us and youre lingering in my head reminding me over and over how horrible of a person i am. i want you to have more of me than ive given, and you better like whatever it is about me that still isnt out there. i hate that i put myself in your hands because this gives you power over how i feel. times where ive been an emotional wreck wont ever fade. itll never be okay that ive been hurt and i will forgive but i do not forget. no one else has ever put me in such a position where i just wanted to dissolve into molecules and not exist, but i give you credit for calling me out on what no one else had to courage to. i expect you to recover quickly when i criticize you on being a pain. i dont want to think about what we have because all i need to know is that im enjoying myself. i love the idea that you, not someone else, complete me. you complete me today. you complete me tomorrow, and till whenever. i cherish every moment of that. i want everything current to be enough. i dont know what else i want. i wish i had more to say. i wish this was more eloquence and less randomness.

2007

electrocutie — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 06:41:56 +0000

lifes hard. if we didnt suffer, wed never learn anything.

i hate it! i hate it! i hate it! i hate it.
i hate it! i hate it! i hate it! i hate it.
i hate it! i hate it! i hate it! i hate it.
i hate it! i hate it! i hate it! i hate it.
i hate it! i hate it! i hate it! i hate it.

i hated it! i hated it! i hated it! i hated it!
i hated it! i hated it! i hated it! i hated it!
i hated it! i hated it! i hated it! i hated it!
i hated it! i hated it! i hated it! i hated it!
i hated it! i hated it! i hated it! i hated it!

nothing in particular happened that hurt me or anything. im not overlooking the great things about the year, but really. good things happen to people during the year ALL the time.
ive gotta say 2007 was the least favorite year ive lived through so far. the thing i hate about it most is that theres nothing you or i can do to fix it… just gotta do better, try harder next chance i get. i’m starting to get the feeling that just talking about a problem with someone else doesnt help me. actions speak way louder than words and the difference between me and you is that i make mistakes and you do things deliberately. its hurts because im not used to feeling like this. but i deal at those same moments.

there are so many things i want to say but you always catch me off guard and i never know where to start and how to say it the right way. the most important thing is not only do i care, but i make you my number one, and i give you my 100%, thats what i want back. after i feel that fulfilled, only then will i be okay with whatever youre doing. im not trying to hold you back, and imwilling to tough it out until you give me up.

when you look at me, i can hardly breathe

electrocutie — Tue, 25 Dec 2007 07:46:34 +0000

Life is okayyy! Still bored. I talk to very very few people but they’re enough. Hmmm Eric came to visit me on Sunday. It was boring because my mom was bothering me, but it was nice because I miss him and hadnt seen him in a while. I want him to get to know me better, because there are so many sides of me he doesn’t know. I hope he doesn’t think he knows me, haha.

Christmas is weird and I don’t really celebrate it. I want gifts though but I don’t really give/receive so it doesn’t matter in the end. I want to go shopping before going back to school. I’m too sleepy to update.

Many people are disappointing. I don’t even know why I still have hope in them, or think they might genuinely be a good person because 98% of the time they’re not. Maybe inside my heart I don’t believe in them, or not enough bad things happen to me to make me TOO bitter. I just think that people think that they’re sure of themselves when they’re not. They’re just a mess of emotions and accidents and contradictions. I wish I knew the answer to more of my questions.

Tia and I are talking about religion and Christmas. We’re serious business!!!!!!!111 Ok goodnight I’ll post forreal tomorrow.

I want to watch Juno.

Protected: Life’s too short

electrocutie — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 16:34:34 +0000

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Protected: At least you’ll never be a vegetable – even artichokes have hearts

electrocutie — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 16:36:30 +0000

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we could watch it fly and just keep looking on

electrocutie — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 15:46:36 +0000

If you feel generous…

I don’t expect anyone to buy me any of these, I really don’t. It’d be nice if you did though. lol. I think any gift is cool because I never get any. I just wanted to make a list of things I want because… it’s fun. I’m listening to Daft Punk, life is boring, I’m boring. I wish I could be with my friends all the time. Not really. Just more often than I am (ha, never). I find myself more drawn to Edward Norton and crime/drama than John Cusack and romance/comedy hahaha. I’m dillusional when I make plans. I’m just glad I’m out of school. Catchphrase with franzzz is fun and lame. Also, I hope you can figure out which gift I was kidding about.

I really want to get out of here. The mindset of believing that everything will eventually fall into place keeps me sane. (And you know, everything DOES fall into place one day)